Impeccable witness

Since I didn't get the card yesterday, that means that today (again!) I am divine witness. Maybe if I had been practicing this for some time, I could just greet Sir Witness as a good old friend, but as this is new for me, and I am impatient, I want to explore new things, not revisit the same thing time and again.

I e-mailed Barbara (the divine creator of the cards) suggesting my cards were somehow broken. Her response to me was what do I think the message is?

My first struggle with this is how do you have negative feelings without judgement? They are going to exist. Those kids at synagogue were annoying. Today whilst Andy was navigating the downtown Toronto traffic that scares the everliving daylights out of me, I noted several cyclists who were not obeying the laws of the road. I support cyclists and their right to be on the road. However, the cyclists I saw today were not using hand signals, were running red lights, and one ran a red light and almost hit 2 pedestrians who were crossing with their light. I wonder if these same cyclists rant about insensitive drivers? So I can not pass judgement, that was actually the easy part. It was wrestling with the fact that I was feeling annoyed that had me stuck.

I asked Kimberly (my soul coach), and Barbara as I saw them both tonight. It comes down to this (if I am understanding it properly). The feeling of being annoyed, or frustrated, or what have you will come - it's the decision if you will let it consume you or deplete your energy that is really the focus.

When I get a mosquito bite - I feel frustrated - it's itchy, irritating, and an annoyance. But I don't sit there cursing and damning mosquitos to hell. The negative feelings are fleeting. (Mosquitos buzzing in my ear at 2 am are a different story though...).

So it is the option - do I allow the negative feeling to take up valuable space in my mind or not? And if the answer is yes, does it have a useful outlet? In the instance of the cyclists, if it is going to be that big of an issue, what do I intend to do with this? Write a letter to the editor? Write some organization? As I say to Andy when he is hemming and hawing about a decision - "shit or get off the pot". Either do something constructive with the negative emotion, or let it go.

Tonight at my Soul Coaching session (the last one *sob*) we drew cards from a different deck of affirmation cards. I got "Impeccability". Guess what? It was just another word for "Witness". The meaning of the card was to have your words, thoughts, and deeds reflect who you are. There is no escape for me.

So WHY do I keep getting this message - I think I have figured it out. This whole "being positive" thing is new for me. When I was in high school, our graduating year, the year book had a section for us to put the "Most likely to..."s. Mine was censored by the staff advisors, as they thought it was mean, but it was true. My friends had put that I was "most likely to start pessimists anonymous".

I do not want to, nor do I intend to fall into my old patterns. I think that I am getting this card every other day to help keep me on the path that I want to follow. The universe is allowing me one day to explore other realms of the divine, but then brings me back to divine witness as a reminder of who I have become.

But tomorrow I am going to count the cards and make sure that I only have ONE "divine witness".