Not in the cards today...

Today I am Divine Peace......ppppppffffffffffffffffttttttttt.
Woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I woke up from a dream about my old place of work (I lost my job in November). Every person from whom I would run into oncoming traffic to avoid in real life was in the dream. Good times. I can't remember the exact details but there were lies being told about me. I do remember confronting one gentleman with a well placed knee to the, ah, goods, forcing him to say what was being said behind my back to my face. Absolutely no idea where that came from. Very unlike me.
I was actually very happy when I lost my job. I was MISERABLE there, but couldn't bring myself to get myself out. I had also seen it coming for a long time (just from other changes that were going on, not because I was a candidate for "world's worst employee"). When they asked me at "the meeting" if I needed a box for my personal effects, I let them know that I had a bottle of Lysol and a few pens...I thought I could manage.
What bugs me the most is that I can't control what might be said about me after I left. Now, just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean your not out to get me. I worry too much about what people think, I know.
That dream just put me in a pissy mood for the rest of the day. Poor Andy's isn't sure what to make of my mood today. At one point he demanded to know what my card for the day was....I wouldn't tell him because it was just too embarrassing. I guess he'll figure it out when he reads this.
But rather than than trying to push it to the corners of my mind, I made myself think about it. Here's what it comes down to: while I was happy to leave, I still hold a lot of resentment towards the company and some of the people there. I put up with a lot of crap, and gave everything that I had to them for 8 years. My spirit was squashed, trampled, spit upon and left to die there. I'm just now feeling like I've gotten myself back.
This resentment is keeping me from having peace in my life, at least on some fronts. I have to let it go...easier than said than done, but that's the plan.

So that' s the lesson from today. I wasn't able to embody peace, but I identified an area that I need to fix - I thought it was closed, but it obviously isn't. Finding what you don't have sometimes sheds more light than what you do have.