Yesterday was divine awareness. I drew the card, meditated on it for a while, and that was pretty much the end of it. There was a time that I was able to keep the day's message at the back of my head, and see how it had a hand in my day. That seems to be taking some practice to bring back.
I seem to be emerging from my funk. I was in a place where I had next to no motivation. I feel energy starting to come back.
I bought a dry rub scrub brush (is that what it's called?). It pains me to write that, because I broke a cardinal rule in doing so. You don't buy anything for yourself before Christmas or your birthday. It invariably infringes on a gift that someone has already gotten you. So while I can hear the shouts of dismay from family...if any of you had bought this for me for Christmas, I will go out and buy a hat for the sole purpose of eating it. And don't go out and buy one just so you can say you had already done it.
Anyway, I used the brush yesterday, and did feel quite invigorated afterwards, though a little scared by the dead skin. But there is something in knowing I was sloughing that off...new beginnings, new life. Get rid of what you don't need.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
The day started well....
I woke up and felt like I had all my ducks in a row. I woke up at a decent hour (a little bit of a sleep in, but early enough to still get things done). Things felt like they were falling into place. I felt motivated enough to draw an "I am Divine" card. I drew divine Unity.
No offence Barbara, but I am thinking that I will create a set of cards I am Undivine. Today I apparently drew divine Snippiness. I just couldn't stop snipping at Andy. I tried to remove myself to get some space, but it didn't help much. I think it is taking a while to get used to us being together again. Since the end of September, he has been travelling for business almost every week.
So before the day started to go downhill....I thought about unity, and feeling connected. Yesterday Andy and I went to visit his aunt and uncle. There was a bit of a heated debate. Andy spoke about wanting to trace family history, and visiting the country his family originated from. Andy's uncle (his dad's brother) does not have good memories - bad family situation and the fact they were Jews living in Eastern Europe during the 2nd world war. Andy and I share a passion for researching our family trees. To us it is a sense of feeling connected. It took some back and forth, but I can see how uncle L has made made peace but doesn't want to revisit the past, but I know that for Andy, a large reason for wanting to visit is just to take a deep breath and think "I am breathing the same air that my family once breathed". I mean obviously not the exact same air, but you know what I mean.
But I digress. I tried. It didn't go well. Tomorrow is another day.
No offence Barbara, but I am thinking that I will create a set of cards I am Undivine. Today I apparently drew divine Snippiness. I just couldn't stop snipping at Andy. I tried to remove myself to get some space, but it didn't help much. I think it is taking a while to get used to us being together again. Since the end of September, he has been travelling for business almost every week.
So before the day started to go downhill....I thought about unity, and feeling connected. Yesterday Andy and I went to visit his aunt and uncle. There was a bit of a heated debate. Andy spoke about wanting to trace family history, and visiting the country his family originated from. Andy's uncle (his dad's brother) does not have good memories - bad family situation and the fact they were Jews living in Eastern Europe during the 2nd world war. Andy and I share a passion for researching our family trees. To us it is a sense of feeling connected. It took some back and forth, but I can see how uncle L has made made peace but doesn't want to revisit the past, but I know that for Andy, a large reason for wanting to visit is just to take a deep breath and think "I am breathing the same air that my family once breathed". I mean obviously not the exact same air, but you know what I mean.
But I digress. I tried. It didn't go well. Tomorrow is another day.
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Divine committment
Today's card was divine committment. I'm not sure if the cards are following a theme, or if I am just interpreting them along that line.
I might keep mentioning the fact that my house is clean, and that might seem like a strange thing to those who don't know me. For those who do, know that our house is usually, well, not neat. As one website coins it, we live in CHAOS, Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. So the fact that I have had the house in company ready condition for a week is quite an accomplishment. So as I have been drawing the cards intention, awareness, and committment this past week, it has been helping me to stay on track with this.
Intention only means something with action.
Awareness brought a metaphysical quality to order.
Committment drove home the reason why I am doing this.
Thanks for the divine support universe!
I might keep mentioning the fact that my house is clean, and that might seem like a strange thing to those who don't know me. For those who do, know that our house is usually, well, not neat. As one website coins it, we live in CHAOS, Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome. So the fact that I have had the house in company ready condition for a week is quite an accomplishment. So as I have been drawing the cards intention, awareness, and committment this past week, it has been helping me to stay on track with this.
Intention only means something with action.
Awareness brought a metaphysical quality to order.
Committment drove home the reason why I am doing this.
Thanks for the divine support universe!
Friday, October 1, 2010
Domestic Demi-Goddess
Today was divine joy, and I truly felt this card.
I have been unemployed for almost a year now. I had visions of what I wanted to do with this time. Today was the first day in all this time that I felt that I was doing what I wanted.
While Andy tells me that I set the feminist movement back when I say this, I do indeed want to be a housewife. I keep telling him that feminism isn't that I can't be a housewife, it's that I have that choice, and not have the role thrust upon me.
Today, I was a HOME MAKER. I was actively making my home. 2 loads of laundry done, folded, and put away. A load of groceries bought and put away. A large batch of vegetable soup made and put into the freezer in smaller batches. A large batch of Butternut Squash Ginger Apple soup, same thing. A home made pizza for dinner. 2 messes from a bulimic cat cleaned up. Dishes done, kitchen clean....this is what I want to do. Take care of my home (and home includes the actual building and those in it).
I hate to say this, but it is certainly easier to keep the house clean since Andy is not here. There is nothing more frustrating than cleaning, and then finding a mess that I didn't create.
You can always tell when the house is a disaster, I spend more time on the computer. My laptop is in the bedroom. When the house is a disaster, I hide. I don't want to see it or deal with it. So I hole up in the bedroom. I have my computer, books, and a television. That's enough to get me through the day. Catch 22...the house is a mess so I hide, but the more I hide, the messier the house gets. Right now the house is clean, and so it's easy to keep it up. I've made this promise before, but I make it again, I intend to keep it this way.
I'd call myself a domestic goddess, but I save that term for my sister who does things like what I did today, but does it with 2 kids under the age of 2. I'm not in her ranks yet.
I have been unemployed for almost a year now. I had visions of what I wanted to do with this time. Today was the first day in all this time that I felt that I was doing what I wanted.
While Andy tells me that I set the feminist movement back when I say this, I do indeed want to be a housewife. I keep telling him that feminism isn't that I can't be a housewife, it's that I have that choice, and not have the role thrust upon me.
Today, I was a HOME MAKER. I was actively making my home. 2 loads of laundry done, folded, and put away. A load of groceries bought and put away. A large batch of vegetable soup made and put into the freezer in smaller batches. A large batch of Butternut Squash Ginger Apple soup, same thing. A home made pizza for dinner. 2 messes from a bulimic cat cleaned up. Dishes done, kitchen clean....this is what I want to do. Take care of my home (and home includes the actual building and those in it).
I hate to say this, but it is certainly easier to keep the house clean since Andy is not here. There is nothing more frustrating than cleaning, and then finding a mess that I didn't create.
You can always tell when the house is a disaster, I spend more time on the computer. My laptop is in the bedroom. When the house is a disaster, I hide. I don't want to see it or deal with it. So I hole up in the bedroom. I have my computer, books, and a television. That's enough to get me through the day. Catch 22...the house is a mess so I hide, but the more I hide, the messier the house gets. Right now the house is clean, and so it's easy to keep it up. I've made this promise before, but I make it again, I intend to keep it this way.
I'd call myself a domestic goddess, but I save that term for my sister who does things like what I did today, but does it with 2 kids under the age of 2. I'm not in her ranks yet.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Invisvible
I was divine vision, but that's hard to do when you are not actually interacting with anyone. I'm not working right now, and Andy is away on business, so my social interaction is at a minimum. But it does give me time to contemplate things in the theoretical, if not the practical. To be divine vision, is to see without judgement.
I did have my Weight Watchers meeting today. I am opening my eyes to how many people go through the same though patterns that I have. Funny though that those thought patterns have always kept me sort of isolated. Well, more of a chicken and egg type of situation. I was isolated due to the thoughts, but the thoughts brought more isolation. It's eye opening to see that even those who you would think have it all together, don't. And I am learning that there are people who seem to think that I have it all together. I guess it's all about appearances.
I did have my Weight Watchers meeting today. I am opening my eyes to how many people go through the same though patterns that I have. Funny though that those thought patterns have always kept me sort of isolated. Well, more of a chicken and egg type of situation. I was isolated due to the thoughts, but the thoughts brought more isolation. It's eye opening to see that even those who you would think have it all together, don't. And I am learning that there are people who seem to think that I have it all together. I guess it's all about appearances.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Intentions
Today was divine intention. I laughed when I pulled that card, as we all know what the road to hell is paved with...My thoughts at the end of the night are ususally "I intended to, I meant to, I planned to...."all variations of the same theme.
I guess the difference lies between "having" intention, and "being" intention. Having intention is a free floating idea, being intention haws every cell of your being working with that intention. These past few days I have had renewed resolution to be more productive, and I think that I have been pretty successful. But today was successful with a constant feeling of a team effort. I know it sounds strange, but it was body, mind and spirit working together. Now wonder I'm tired at the end of the day...apparently it takes 3 of me to get me through the day. Maybe that's partly the Gemini in me coming out. But there is a sense of accomplishment as the day winds down, and a sense of pride knowing that jobs were done, were done properly, and that short cuts were not taken. No procrastination to pull me down.
And Kimberly, if you are reading this, I had forgotten how nice it was to start the days with your recordings. Day 2 of Take 2 of the soul coaching brought great meditation.
I guess the difference lies between "having" intention, and "being" intention. Having intention is a free floating idea, being intention haws every cell of your being working with that intention. These past few days I have had renewed resolution to be more productive, and I think that I have been pretty successful. But today was successful with a constant feeling of a team effort. I know it sounds strange, but it was body, mind and spirit working together. Now wonder I'm tired at the end of the day...apparently it takes 3 of me to get me through the day. Maybe that's partly the Gemini in me coming out. But there is a sense of accomplishment as the day winds down, and a sense of pride knowing that jobs were done, were done properly, and that short cuts were not taken. No procrastination to pull me down.
And Kimberly, if you are reading this, I had forgotten how nice it was to start the days with your recordings. Day 2 of Take 2 of the soul coaching brought great meditation.
Monday, September 27, 2010
So easily derailed
I started over today. I got my 28 Day Soul Coaching CD's, and started on day 1. It was the soul coaching that brought me to the I am Divine cards. I liked where I was going on that journey, but have gotten away from it, so decided to go back to square one.
It was such a good day....very productive, lots of to do's crossed off...got up, went to the gym, came home, did housework, went grocery shopping, put groceries away, dealt with an at home appointment with a service contractor, made home made rolls, made a loaf of bread, got dinner on the table. This is where the day went downhill.
I called Andy at 6. He was leaving shortly, and he had 2 errands to run on the way home. I said, so you'll be home around 8. He said no, 7, 7:30 at the latest. Well, I had planned to eat dinner together, but I was hungry, and I don't like eating too late at night. So I ate dinner, but thought, well, when Andy comes home, I'll sit with him while he eats dinner. I set the shows I like to watch to tape, knowing he would want to watch his shows. 7 and 7:30 came and went. As it approached 8, I though, gee, I'll put Andy's show to tape too, because I know how much he likes it. At 8:30 I got fed up. I cleaned everything up, and started to go upstairs, as there were things that I did want to do, but I had been putting off, waiting for Andy to come home, figuring it was going to be any minute. Of course that's when he walked in the door. Arguing and shouting ensued.
It is really to much to ask to get a phone call when someone is running late? I guess so, because this has been an ongoing issue througHout our marriage. Is it a girl thing? Do I just make a big deal out of it because as girls, we are taught to let people know where we are? Or is it just a consciencious thing? I was further set off because his apology is so hollow and insincere. His apology comes across as "I'm sorry that you got yourself upset, but it's your problem, not mine.". And yes, it is my issue, not his, but isn't being part of a relationship recognizing the triggers that your partner has, accepting them and not deliberately pressing them? If he's running late, I want him to call me and let me know. He can think that it's not necessary, he can think that I'm being anal, that's fine, but it all it takes is a quick call to say "I'll be an hour later than I thought", isn't that easier? I'm not so controlling that I expect a call if he's running a little late, but there's a big difference between being 20-30 minutes late, and almost 2 hours.
Today I was divine unity. The only thing that occured to me was wanting to unite my foot with his butt.
However, as with Day 1 of the Soul Coaching journey, I did remember to breathe.
Holding on to anger isn't productive, but I can't help but feeling that in just letting this go, nothing will get resolved, because Andy doesn't care. Of course, he leaves on business on Wednesday, and I will feel to guilty if he leaves and we are still on bad terms, so I will smooth everything over, and nothing will get resolved anyway.
F**K!
It was such a good day....very productive, lots of to do's crossed off...got up, went to the gym, came home, did housework, went grocery shopping, put groceries away, dealt with an at home appointment with a service contractor, made home made rolls, made a loaf of bread, got dinner on the table. This is where the day went downhill.
I called Andy at 6. He was leaving shortly, and he had 2 errands to run on the way home. I said, so you'll be home around 8. He said no, 7, 7:30 at the latest. Well, I had planned to eat dinner together, but I was hungry, and I don't like eating too late at night. So I ate dinner, but thought, well, when Andy comes home, I'll sit with him while he eats dinner. I set the shows I like to watch to tape, knowing he would want to watch his shows. 7 and 7:30 came and went. As it approached 8, I though, gee, I'll put Andy's show to tape too, because I know how much he likes it. At 8:30 I got fed up. I cleaned everything up, and started to go upstairs, as there were things that I did want to do, but I had been putting off, waiting for Andy to come home, figuring it was going to be any minute. Of course that's when he walked in the door. Arguing and shouting ensued.
It is really to much to ask to get a phone call when someone is running late? I guess so, because this has been an ongoing issue througHout our marriage. Is it a girl thing? Do I just make a big deal out of it because as girls, we are taught to let people know where we are? Or is it just a consciencious thing? I was further set off because his apology is so hollow and insincere. His apology comes across as "I'm sorry that you got yourself upset, but it's your problem, not mine.". And yes, it is my issue, not his, but isn't being part of a relationship recognizing the triggers that your partner has, accepting them and not deliberately pressing them? If he's running late, I want him to call me and let me know. He can think that it's not necessary, he can think that I'm being anal, that's fine, but it all it takes is a quick call to say "I'll be an hour later than I thought", isn't that easier? I'm not so controlling that I expect a call if he's running a little late, but there's a big difference between being 20-30 minutes late, and almost 2 hours.
Today I was divine unity. The only thing that occured to me was wanting to unite my foot with his butt.
However, as with Day 1 of the Soul Coaching journey, I did remember to breathe.
Holding on to anger isn't productive, but I can't help but feeling that in just letting this go, nothing will get resolved, because Andy doesn't care. Of course, he leaves on business on Wednesday, and I will feel to guilty if he leaves and we are still on bad terms, so I will smooth everything over, and nothing will get resolved anyway.
F**K!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
