Today, I am divine courage. Nope, you didn't accidentally read yesterday's entry again, I drew the same card again.
I think that I am not "getting" this one, so I'm having to live in the same space for a while, giving it time to set in.
Everyday, I do take something away with me, it's not like fractions in school, where once it was done, I walked away, forgetting everything, hoping I would never have to do it again. Do you know that every year I took math, I flipped through the book to see if there were fractions, and dammit there they were. I never actually got that they were not a one time deal.
So in spending a day reflecting on the specific card, I do keep in my back pocket, so to speak. I
am still trying to live as divine witness, even though I haven't drawn the card for some time.
However, I am still not getting divine courage. Maybe I'll get it again tomorrow.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Sunday, June 6, 2010
If I only had the noive....
Please pardon the Bert Lahr impersonation in the title, it might not translate too well in written form.
Today I was divine courage, thought didn't find much cause to use it. Except the courage to walk down the aisles of junk food at the grocery, and the strength to not buy anything.
I did however watch friendships of 20+ years disintegrate in a fireball of nasty words on facebook.
I like the fact that most of the time, I can state my opinion, hear a contrary opinion, and agree to disagree. Often, I will ask some questions regarding the other opinion. Not to be contrary, but because I like to be educated, and am interested in where the opposing opinion comes from. I may change camps, or again, just be content to agree to disagree.
I like facebook. Probably spend way too much time there. But I see it as a lighthearted lark. I like to see peoples' status updates - "So and so is celebrating a birthday"..."rotten day, hear moosetrack icecream and grey's anatomy calling my name"...." wishes the rain would stop"....quick, whimsical, sometimes nonsensical glimpses into their lives.
One person I know made a statement regarding the Israeli incident last week. Another person I know replied. Someone I don't know joined the commentary. It became a 3 way conversation, with name calling and hostility growing. Another friend joined in towards the end. The end result was that the whole thread was deleted, but not until well after the damage had been done, and people were "defriended".
This is obviously a hot topic. People were asking questions that were not being answered. People were so intent on making their point, they weren't reading what the other person had actually written.
Sometimes I feel... almost weak, because I don't have convictions that I would fight to the death over. Though maybe it's not that I don't have these convictions as much as I don't have the combative and confrontational nature to fight. But isn't it a mark of strength to sit with someone whose opinion is directly opposite to yours, and look beyond that?
Today I was divine courage, thought didn't find much cause to use it. Except the courage to walk down the aisles of junk food at the grocery, and the strength to not buy anything.
I did however watch friendships of 20+ years disintegrate in a fireball of nasty words on facebook.
I like the fact that most of the time, I can state my opinion, hear a contrary opinion, and agree to disagree. Often, I will ask some questions regarding the other opinion. Not to be contrary, but because I like to be educated, and am interested in where the opposing opinion comes from. I may change camps, or again, just be content to agree to disagree.
I like facebook. Probably spend way too much time there. But I see it as a lighthearted lark. I like to see peoples' status updates - "So and so is celebrating a birthday"..."rotten day, hear moosetrack icecream and grey's anatomy calling my name"...." wishes the rain would stop"....quick, whimsical, sometimes nonsensical glimpses into their lives.
One person I know made a statement regarding the Israeli incident last week. Another person I know replied. Someone I don't know joined the commentary. It became a 3 way conversation, with name calling and hostility growing. Another friend joined in towards the end. The end result was that the whole thread was deleted, but not until well after the damage had been done, and people were "defriended".
This is obviously a hot topic. People were asking questions that were not being answered. People were so intent on making their point, they weren't reading what the other person had actually written.
Sometimes I feel... almost weak, because I don't have convictions that I would fight to the death over. Though maybe it's not that I don't have these convictions as much as I don't have the combative and confrontational nature to fight. But isn't it a mark of strength to sit with someone whose opinion is directly opposite to yours, and look beyond that?
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Intention
I'm surprised I remembered to draw a card this morning. It was garage sale day.
We set the alarm for 5 - a time I don't get up under normal circumstances, let alone a Saturday. My plan was for us to get up, move the cars, and then spend time in the garage putting all stuff into categories, so that when we went to set up the tables, it would just be a question of arranging everything.
Lately, I've been having a lot of problems sleeping. While I'm tired, it's taking me hours to fall asleep (lights off and all at 11 or so, but not falling asleep until 1 or 2). It has always taken me 15-20 minutes to fall asleep - I'm so envious of people like Andy for whom sleep seems to be instantaneous with their head hitting the pillow. During the week we have the alarm set for 6:3o, so I'm not letting myself sleep in during the day. I'm not sure why...just seems to be a phase I go through from time to time. Last night it was 2:30 before I fell asleep, so the alarm going off at 5 was not well received.
I did manage to draw the magic card, and today it was divine intention. What do I want to get out of the day. It was a good mantra for me today. It came to me that my intention for today was to have peace.
Andy is a true extrovert - he loves being in a crowd. When we had a garage sale a few years ago, he had no problem becoming "Crazy Andy with deals galore". I am an introvert - crowds, especially strangers, are a challenge for me. So tired and out of my element is not a good combination. Reminding myself that my intention was to have peace in the day helped me relax, let go, go with the flow. I think it made all the difference today.
One thing that did come of out this was a potential face to face book club. One woman was looking through the piles of books that we had, looking for one book in particular. I mentioned that I had read it, and that it was good. She said it was for her book club, and I said that I had read it for my book club.
A few years ago, I had been looking for a book club to help me get out of my reading rut - making me read books I might not have otherwise picked up. I couldn't find a real life book club, so I joined one online. I sort of fell out of the groove about a year ago. Before that I had been reading the books, and following the discussions. but not participating much.
Anyway the woman and I started talking about books and book clubs, and we kicked around the idea of starting a club for our complex. I think it would be great if we could get it off the ground. I live in a town house complex with about 200 houses, but I haven't met many of the other people, other than my direct neighbours. It would be nice to have a social outlet. I'll have to conact her later this week about seeing if this is something that we could indeed start in September.
Certainly a spontaneous turn of events to come out of a garage sale.
We set the alarm for 5 - a time I don't get up under normal circumstances, let alone a Saturday. My plan was for us to get up, move the cars, and then spend time in the garage putting all stuff into categories, so that when we went to set up the tables, it would just be a question of arranging everything.
Lately, I've been having a lot of problems sleeping. While I'm tired, it's taking me hours to fall asleep (lights off and all at 11 or so, but not falling asleep until 1 or 2). It has always taken me 15-20 minutes to fall asleep - I'm so envious of people like Andy for whom sleep seems to be instantaneous with their head hitting the pillow. During the week we have the alarm set for 6:3o, so I'm not letting myself sleep in during the day. I'm not sure why...just seems to be a phase I go through from time to time. Last night it was 2:30 before I fell asleep, so the alarm going off at 5 was not well received.
I did manage to draw the magic card, and today it was divine intention. What do I want to get out of the day. It was a good mantra for me today. It came to me that my intention for today was to have peace.
Andy is a true extrovert - he loves being in a crowd. When we had a garage sale a few years ago, he had no problem becoming "Crazy Andy with deals galore". I am an introvert - crowds, especially strangers, are a challenge for me. So tired and out of my element is not a good combination. Reminding myself that my intention was to have peace in the day helped me relax, let go, go with the flow. I think it made all the difference today.
One thing that did come of out this was a potential face to face book club. One woman was looking through the piles of books that we had, looking for one book in particular. I mentioned that I had read it, and that it was good. She said it was for her book club, and I said that I had read it for my book club.
A few years ago, I had been looking for a book club to help me get out of my reading rut - making me read books I might not have otherwise picked up. I couldn't find a real life book club, so I joined one online. I sort of fell out of the groove about a year ago. Before that I had been reading the books, and following the discussions. but not participating much.
Anyway the woman and I started talking about books and book clubs, and we kicked around the idea of starting a club for our complex. I think it would be great if we could get it off the ground. I live in a town house complex with about 200 houses, but I haven't met many of the other people, other than my direct neighbours. It would be nice to have a social outlet. I'll have to conact her later this week about seeing if this is something that we could indeed start in September.
Certainly a spontaneous turn of events to come out of a garage sale.
Friday, June 4, 2010
Divine unity
Today's card was divine unity. To feel and see how everything is interconnected.
Still feeling decidedly unconnected. Though today is one of the days that I enjoy not working. Was not feeling well, and didn't have to wrestle with the idea of "do I go in or not". Quite a luxury to not have to answer to anyone regarding this.
Spent a lot of time looking out the window today. The birds have finally discovered the feeder I set up out back. Ithink I need to move it - I think it's too close to fence - the birds seem to be hesitant about landing on it, espcially the bigger birds. For 2 days now, I've had a red winged blackbird at the feeder, I've never seen one of them at a feeder before - only on the reeds at the side of highways.
Again, I am grateful for the ravine behind my yard, brining a taste of the nature I grew up with (summers at the cottage) to my home in the city.
Tomorrow is garage sale day. The alarm is set for 5 am (ugh!) so that we can get set up before it starts. We're not even putting prices on anything - essentially everything for a quarter. It's not a matter of making money, it's just getting rid of of the stuff. If we make some cash, so much the better. Anything that doesn't sell goes straight to value village. I hope tomorrow I am divine energy.
Still feeling decidedly unconnected. Though today is one of the days that I enjoy not working. Was not feeling well, and didn't have to wrestle with the idea of "do I go in or not". Quite a luxury to not have to answer to anyone regarding this.
Spent a lot of time looking out the window today. The birds have finally discovered the feeder I set up out back. Ithink I need to move it - I think it's too close to fence - the birds seem to be hesitant about landing on it, espcially the bigger birds. For 2 days now, I've had a red winged blackbird at the feeder, I've never seen one of them at a feeder before - only on the reeds at the side of highways.
Again, I am grateful for the ravine behind my yard, brining a taste of the nature I grew up with (summers at the cottage) to my home in the city.
Tomorrow is garage sale day. The alarm is set for 5 am (ugh!) so that we can get set up before it starts. We're not even putting prices on anything - essentially everything for a quarter. It's not a matter of making money, it's just getting rid of of the stuff. If we make some cash, so much the better. Anything that doesn't sell goes straight to value village. I hope tomorrow I am divine energy.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Falling off the wagon....bump, bump
Today I am divine strength. Looking for strength in just being, trusting that you are where you need to be, and that you will get what it is you need.
Today wasn't a day to find the lesson. These last few days, I haven't been really feeling the connection to the card, or the message that is supposed to come through. Even during the era of "divine witness", I was able to get some enlightenment, even if I was frustrated with the frequency of the card.
Maybe it's just due to my lack of interaction. These days I'm really only at the gym, running errands, or home alone. With Andy's new job, he's just getting into the swing of things, and hasn't been home before 7 at all this week. We eat dinner, then retreat to our corners, and that's about it.
I did have my weight watchers meeting today. I was up .4. That isn't anything to stress about. Getting a hair cut could take care of that. What does feel good is that my leader really sees me as a pillar of the meeting. She often calls on me to help explain things to new members, and invites me to share a lot in the meetings, more so than others who have been there longer, or have reached their goals (I'm down 30.6, but still a long way from goal). It's a nice feeling though. It certainly appeals to the know it all/teacher in me.
Ah well, tomorrow is a new day with a new card (or a new chance to revisit an old card!!).
Today wasn't a day to find the lesson. These last few days, I haven't been really feeling the connection to the card, or the message that is supposed to come through. Even during the era of "divine witness", I was able to get some enlightenment, even if I was frustrated with the frequency of the card.
Maybe it's just due to my lack of interaction. These days I'm really only at the gym, running errands, or home alone. With Andy's new job, he's just getting into the swing of things, and hasn't been home before 7 at all this week. We eat dinner, then retreat to our corners, and that's about it.
I did have my weight watchers meeting today. I was up .4. That isn't anything to stress about. Getting a hair cut could take care of that. What does feel good is that my leader really sees me as a pillar of the meeting. She often calls on me to help explain things to new members, and invites me to share a lot in the meetings, more so than others who have been there longer, or have reached their goals (I'm down 30.6, but still a long way from goal). It's a nice feeling though. It certainly appeals to the know it all/teacher in me.
Ah well, tomorrow is a new day with a new card (or a new chance to revisit an old card!!).
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I surrender
Today I drew divine surrender, which is largely a variation of divine serenity.
Unfortunately, it wasn't much of a day to explore surrender, serenity, or acceptance.
I went to the gym. I came home, Andy came home. we had dinner, and we've gone to bed.
Not much was put to the test today.
Did have a very good day at the gym. Before I meet with my trainer, I have to do 40 min cardio. I spent that time on the treadmill. 6 months ago, I couldn't have done 5 minutes let alone 40 at the pace I was going. It's a pretty big improvement when I can recognize it.
Then with my trainer, I again noticed that I was running further, doing more pushups. lifting heavier weights. Again, I can see the improvement, so it must exist.
After working with my trainer, I decided to go swimming. Usually, I am so spent that I just go home and crash. But then I thought about it. I have the time to go swimming, and access to a swimming pool. It was hot and humid out. I thought about people (yes, B., I'm thinking of you specifically) who would be angry if they knew that I wasted that opportunity.
I love the water - I swim effortlessly. While running and other aerobic activities make me have to think about how and where my body is moving, swimming is completly natural. I swam for 40 minutes. The water was nice and cool, and a great way to finish off my time at the gym.
I came home. grabbed my frozen grapes and updated my blog for yesterday. I felt relaxed, and my mind was clear.
Then I crashed. I like naps.
Unfortunately, it wasn't much of a day to explore surrender, serenity, or acceptance.
I went to the gym. I came home, Andy came home. we had dinner, and we've gone to bed.
Not much was put to the test today.
Did have a very good day at the gym. Before I meet with my trainer, I have to do 40 min cardio. I spent that time on the treadmill. 6 months ago, I couldn't have done 5 minutes let alone 40 at the pace I was going. It's a pretty big improvement when I can recognize it.
Then with my trainer, I again noticed that I was running further, doing more pushups. lifting heavier weights. Again, I can see the improvement, so it must exist.
After working with my trainer, I decided to go swimming. Usually, I am so spent that I just go home and crash. But then I thought about it. I have the time to go swimming, and access to a swimming pool. It was hot and humid out. I thought about people (yes, B., I'm thinking of you specifically) who would be angry if they knew that I wasted that opportunity.
I love the water - I swim effortlessly. While running and other aerobic activities make me have to think about how and where my body is moving, swimming is completly natural. I swam for 40 minutes. The water was nice and cool, and a great way to finish off my time at the gym.
I came home. grabbed my frozen grapes and updated my blog for yesterday. I felt relaxed, and my mind was clear.
Then I crashed. I like naps.
I am divine forgetfulness...
Much as I enjoy writing this blog, I guess it's not as much a part of my daily routine as I thought. I remembered this morning as I was getting ready for the gym. So here I sit with my frozen grapes, mulling over yesterday.
Yesterday I was divine serenity. Another version of divine acceptance. In the words of the serenity prayer "to accept the things I cannot change".
I am a planner. I like to plan. I like to write to do lists (remember, theory and practice are two different things. Just because I write things down doesn't mean they get done). I like to schedule. I am flexible enough to have leaway in my plans. I plan for contigencies. Disruptions to my plans don't bother me too much.
It's little things that irritate me. I hate repeating myself. It frustrates me to no end. While I try to be flexible. it does bother me when even my contigency plans fall through.
Divine Serenity is making me step back and try to go with the flow.
Yesterday was a bad day for having to repeat myself. Just took big breaths.
Last night, Andy called and said he would be a little late for dinner - he figured it would be about 6. At 6:30 I had dinner ready. At 7 I decided to eat anyway. I put Andy's dinner in the fridge. It's not like we had plans, so I just reminded myself it was no big deal. At 7:30. I decided to go sit out front with a book, and wait for Andy on the front porch. A spur of the moment, go with the flow decision made for a lovely evening. It was cool last night, a light breeze, lots of birds flying around. I got 6 chapters a of a new book read. I only came in because my butt fell asleep. Andy finally made it home at 8:45. But he came home to a dinner waiting for him, and a calm and relaxed wife. Serenity.
Yesterday I was divine serenity. Another version of divine acceptance. In the words of the serenity prayer "to accept the things I cannot change".
I am a planner. I like to plan. I like to write to do lists (remember, theory and practice are two different things. Just because I write things down doesn't mean they get done). I like to schedule. I am flexible enough to have leaway in my plans. I plan for contigencies. Disruptions to my plans don't bother me too much.
It's little things that irritate me. I hate repeating myself. It frustrates me to no end. While I try to be flexible. it does bother me when even my contigency plans fall through.
Divine Serenity is making me step back and try to go with the flow.
Yesterday was a bad day for having to repeat myself. Just took big breaths.
Last night, Andy called and said he would be a little late for dinner - he figured it would be about 6. At 6:30 I had dinner ready. At 7 I decided to eat anyway. I put Andy's dinner in the fridge. It's not like we had plans, so I just reminded myself it was no big deal. At 7:30. I decided to go sit out front with a book, and wait for Andy on the front porch. A spur of the moment, go with the flow decision made for a lovely evening. It was cool last night, a light breeze, lots of birds flying around. I got 6 chapters a of a new book read. I only came in because my butt fell asleep. Andy finally made it home at 8:45. But he came home to a dinner waiting for him, and a calm and relaxed wife. Serenity.
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